Any change we want to make begins with becoming aware of who we are now and how we got here. Our ability to reflect honestly on how we think, feel and behave will have a direct impact on how we can and will achieve our goals.

Your biggest resource is you. We have resources in abundance. We need to find, recognise and utilise those resources. Resources you don’t have you can get and internalise.


1. Self-Reflection

Empowerment is more than positive psychology. Its roots lie in the complexities of our past;
• what we have been exposed to when growing up;
• what and who we surround ourselves with now; and, most importantly,
• how we relate to our environment and the contents in it.
The biggest contribution to empowerment is your relationship with yourself; the person who you see when you look in the mirror and person you relate to in your head. How would you describe yourself? Is the internal you strong, angry, sad, talented, doubtful, worrying, happy, optimistic? This challenging process will bring up parts of you that you wish to ignore but in order to move forward you need to be honest. The question of “Why do I view myself like this” will crop up. This is an important question you may know some of the reasons why or you may find it difficult and require professional help to establish them.

2. Thinking

The next step is your thinking. The outcome of your thinking is expressed through your decisions and actions. Our thinking scaffolds our development. Dysfunctions and distortions in our thinking impacts our ability to see the opportunities and possibilities we have in front of us. We can be our own limitations. Our assumptions based on fear and negative experiences impede the success of our goals and can stop us from even beginning a process which in itself can encourage and lead to further development.

3. Our Actions & Behaviours

If our thinking is distorted because it is based on complex emotions ruled by past experiences and future expectations, our actions and behaviour will signify this. The dysfunctional behaviour shows the misalignment in the thinking behind them. This is exacerbated by unconscious drives caused by unprocessed experiences. What is expressed outwardly certainly doesn’t always translate directly to its internal origin and meaning.


Once we understand our internal composition, our thinking and the actions and behaviour behind we can take the steps to empowerment. Below are ways to encourage the process:

1. Bring the focus back to you: Nothing hinders us more than spending time thinking about what other people think, what others could do for us or waiting for something to happen from an external source. We need to ask ourselves what can I do, what am I in control of.

2. Take responsibility for your actions: Once we are able to focus on us we need to hold that focus. A big difficulty can be holding onto responsibility, facing and accept parts of ourselves we don’t like. In order to learn we must recognise our mistakes, and for some, allow ourselves to make mistakes. Taking responsibility also means giving ourselves praise when we have achieved something.

3. Constantly Reflect: Part of understanding yourself is to reflect. We are dynamic and constantly in development.

4. Surround yourself with people who feed you: Understanding your relationship patterns is vital for your nourishment. Be around people who understand you, who support you, encourage you. For those who drain you, question why. What dynamic are you in? What are they getting from you? What are you giving them? What sort of pattern are you in, is it one you recognise from the past? It is also encouraging to be around people who are inspirational to you, whose energy is contagious, who make you laugh, those who make you feel like you want to feel. Equality in the relationship is what you are looking for, a balance where separateness is respected and where each of you are supported equally.

5. Give yourself time: Allowing yourself space is part of giving yourself respect and time to process. This is your life.

6. Get up & try again:
Resilience a key element of achieving development. Nothing will come without making mistakes, everything will come with trying again, again and again. Persistence is your life line. Things happen to those who don’t give up.

7. Remind yourself everyday who is in control of your life:

Empowerment is a powerful tool made up of essential elements of development. Some of those elements may need work but we all have the ability to build on our foundation to create the optimum conditions for it to become our own resource.

If we master empowerment we have no limits. This is found in being honest, accepting, adapting and trying again. We can change, we can adapt, we were born to evolve. Empowerment is ultimately about belief. As a coach I am your reflection to enable you to see what you hold within you. My role is not to give my power to you but to help you find yours.

Start the process by answering the questions below to bring some insight into who you are now.

If you looked into the mirror what would you see?
If there was one thing you wished to change about yourself (not physical) what would it be?
What is it that you most admire about yourself?
What do you want from life or most dream of?
What do you think it is that is stopping you from getting what you want?
What do you think you need in life?
What do you think it is that is stopping you from getting what you need in life?

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